Lessons I learned from three failed friendships

When you are in high school often times you think the people you hang out with every day are going to be your life-long friends. Unfortunately, that is not always the case and most of the people you hang out with in high school you will never see again after you graduate. From my high school class, I talk to about one or two people on a regular basis but when I was in school my circle of friends was much larger and to be honest at that moment I thought it was going to stay that way. I could not have been more wrong because after we graduated we all went down different paths and never really spoke to each other again. I have had a couple of really good friendships turn ugly in a very short period of time and to be honest it was sad but I learned a few lessons from it so I thought I’d share them with you today.

People that gossip 24/7 aren’t your real friends- If one of your friends gossips 24/7 or is constantly wanting something from you then they aren’t your true friends because the moment you don’t give them what they want they will leave. There is nothing wrong with doing an occasional gossip(I know we all do it) but if that’s all you can talk about then you are hanging around the wrong people. True friends don’t care about how much stuff you have or how much money is in your bank account and if your friends can’t see how good of a person you really are they aren’t worth your time.

Negativity will have an impact on your life- If you are hanging around someone is particularly negative whether you realize it or it will have a negative impact on how you feel about yourself. I was friends with someone for a couple years until she asked me if I would ever consider living with her but when I said no she got mad because she thought it was because I wanted to live with Karly. Soon afterward she made a rude and insensitive remark that living with Karly was not a good idea because she could die. Living together would be awesome but it is not something Karly and I have even considered because we both know it would be a lot of work to make that happen. Karly and I both worry about each other equally and if you are trying to win my friendship or persuade me to one day live with you that is not how to do it!

Yes, something horrible could happen to Karly but something equally as terrible could happen to me too so the flaw in your logic is that it’s simply not true because bad things can happen to either one of us. I am totally aware Karly’s disability gets worse over time and it saddens me to see her struggle with so much but using Karly’s disability to your advantage is wrong and will create the opposite reaction you are looking for. Just be nice and don’t use someone else’s disability as leverage to try to win their friendship because it will never work out that way. Just be you and you’ll build relationships with amazing people!

Friendships are a two-way street- If you are always the one apologizing when you have a disagreement it’s not going to work. Friendships are a two-way street and when you have a disagreement with your friends you cannot be the one always apologizing if you did nothing wrong. If you are in the wrong then by all means apologize but if it is the other way around then don’t apologize because you want things to go back to normal. Stand your ground because apologizing for your friend’s mistakes will not help them learn from their mistakes or help you build long-lasting relationships. If you continually apologize for your friend’s mistakes you will have a ton of fake friends and no real ones and the moment you stop apologizing for their mistakes they will walk out on you! If your friend truly cares and wants to be a part of your life they will do anything to try and make it work.

Communication is key– If you have a problem with your friends telling your other friends about how much you hate them or what they are doing to annoy you will not solve problems. The friend that is doing that one thing that gets under your skin may not be aware that it annoys you so much and until you talk about it that behavior will continue.  Messages can get misread through text message so if you are having a disagreement talk with your friend in person and see if you cannot resolve the issue. Problems can sometimes simply be resolved by having a simple chat with your friends not by gossiping about them because more often than not the issue is just a simple miscommunication problem.

I have a small circle of friends but the ones I have are like family to me. Most of the people I was friends with in high school I thought would be life-long friends because we worked so well back then but it turns out I wrong and those friendships quickly ended. When I learned these people weren’t really my friends I was crushed but you have to let it go! The reality of it is most of the people you hang out with in high school you will never see again after you graduate. Yeah, there may be a few select of people you talk to years after you graduate but for the most part, after you graduate you and your classmates will go your separate ways. The people that want to be part of your life will and the people that don’t will walk out of it as soon as they have the chance.

Make friends that really want to get to know you not someone who is only interested in how popular you are. Are you friends with anyone from high school? Is it a significant amount of people or have most of them walked out on you? Sometimes having a small circle of friends is better than a large group because you will have the opportunity to get closer with one another. Find your tribe and work on building a good, solid long-lasting relationship with people who want to be around you. If you have any questions about lessons I learned from three failed friendships please leave them in the comments below.

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